Love in the digital space

When the internet was invented decades ago, men and women have been using it to find love and companionship. Dating sites were some of the very first sites to spring up as clever people realized that money could be made by connecting people. At the time these sites were very elaborate affairs with online and offline components. Most people on those early sites were serious people looking to make serious connections.

Decades later, online dating is still huge but it has inevitably degenerated into a point were calling those sites or apps dating platforms is almost comically inaccurate. They are market places, mostly filled with cons of both genders. Inevitably, those looking for love and expecting to get genuine partners are often frustrated (and sometimes robbed). This happens partly because users of these dating sites have evolved a language that, if not understood, will get you into trouble. If you are a man looking for love online, here is a guide to translating online dating profiles and bios, the knowledge of which will save you money and time.

Firstly, stay very far away from profiles with no photos or fake photos (celebrities, etc.). As you may have been told in Sunday School, if people have to hide things, it is usually not for a good reason. If you wake up at 2 am and find a masked stranger in your living room, there could be legitimate reasons for him being there. However, chances are that he is there for the exact reason you think he is there. Women who hide their identities on these dating platforms are either married/dating and looking for side dishes or such other reasons. In case you arrived in Kenya three days ago, dating other people’s wives is a dangerous endeavour over here.

The second lot to avoid are those looking for men to parasite on. While there are many women on dating sites who make it clear that they are in the oldest profession in the world (I have no problems with these ones as they don’t try to mislead anyone), there are those who are a little more insidious. If you get involved with the latter, you will be milked dry with constant requests for cash. You can often spot this lot in the carefully crafted bios which are designed to filter in men of means without making it too obvious that something is for sale. Look out for hints in the way they describe the men they want.

The third lot to avoid is the crazies. Unless you are into that scene, girls with occult tattoos; talk about Satan and death fetishes are probably not going to be your forever and forever partners. Unless of course you two sign a death pact and jump off Thompson Falls while high on weed. When it comes to this group of ladies, what you see is very likely what you are going to get. So, if you enjoy having your house or car set on fire, go ahead and swipe right on one of these crazy mamas.

Finally, the last group to stay away from are the angry women. The bio of an angry woman will be long and features a tirade against imaginary men who probably mirror men they have dated in the past. First of all, putting aside the fact that it says something about your sense of judgment if you keep dating these kinds of men over and over again, it also means that you getting into a relationship with someone who has plenty of unresolved anger issues. Unless you are an anger management therapist willing to work pro-bono, you don’t need that kind of drama in your life.